It seems that some people missed the point of my previous post [Anatomy of a bad science story], which used irony as a rhetorical device to get an important point across. It also was meant to be funny, with the assumption that good science writers would find it as amusing and therapeutic as scientists would.
But just to show that we scientists a) have a sense of humour, and b) can laugh at ourselves, here is one of my favourite lists:
Guide to Translating Scientific
Papers Into Plain English
Papers Into Plain English
|
Really means |
|
| It has long been known… | I haven’t bothered to look up the reference. |
| It is thought that… | I think so. |
| It is generally thought that… | A couple of other guys think so, too. |
| It is not unreasonable to assume… | If you believe this, you’ll believe anything. |
| Of great theoretical importance… | I find it interesting. |
| Of great practical importance… | I can get some good mileage out of it. |
| Typical results are shown. | The best results are shown. |
| Three samples were chosen for further study. | The others didn’t make sense, so we ignored them. |
| The second sample was not used. | I dropped it on the floor. |
| Results obtained using the second sample must be interpreted with caution. | I dropped it on the floor, but managed to scoop most of it up. |
| Correct within an order of magnitude. |
Incorrect. |
| Much additional work will be required. | This paper isn’t very good, but neither is anyone else’s. |
| These investigations provided highly rewarding results. | My grant will be renewed. |
| This research was supported by a grant from… | Can you believe they pay me to do this? |
| A line of best fit was generated using least-squares regression. | I drew it by hand. |
| A non-linear relationship was found… | I drew it by hand and I didn’t use a ruler. |
| Stringent controls were implemented… | My advisor was watching. |
| I thank X for assistance with the experiments and Y for useful discussions on the interpretation of the data. | X did the experiment and Y explained it to me. |
There is at least one more:
“I thank X for assistance with the experiments and Y for useful discussions on the interpretation of the data.” = X did the experiment and Y explained it to me.
Right! Now added.
It’s so funny! Thank you, TR Gregory! These days, you’re doing excellent posts…
In my murky domain of “complex systems”, one often hears that “the data follow a power-law distribution“, which I think translates to the statement, “I drew a straight line by hand on log-log paper.”
I’ve long been fond of:
“It is important to note…”
means
“Nothing else is worth reading here”
As an important rule I have learned:
A theorem beginning with
“It can easy be shown that….”
must be wrong!
*dies laughing* Oh that’s wonderful.
Thanks for this list, I’ve been meaning to look for it ever since I left the lab that had it printed out and stuck on the door.
Have you seen the one about Lord of the Rings as an allegory for the PhD process? It’s excellent, I’ll see if I can find it somewhere.